It’s safe to say a few months ago I had a couple things come along that I wasn’t expecting especially in the midst of me trying to plan my next move. I still plan to make that move, but it’s been delayed. It’s all new, exciting, terrifying and leaves me with a million questions. Four months ago I started dating someone who after a short time discovered they weren’t at the peak of their health, which is ok. That came up and you roll with it – one punch at a time. But it was another item (a BIG item) added to the top of my stress pile.
Sometimes I want to do everything all at once and I’m sure that sounds familiar to a lot of you out there. I want to expand my print business, consider expanding into home decor, do more freelance web work, commit more time to this blog, start painting again and sell in galleries, spend more time with my dog, save money, move across the country, travel everywhere, have a wonderful relationship… and on and on. Occasionally it hits me that it’s too much. I over commit myself to keep myself busy because I don’t know what being bored is. Some call it being an over achiever. Don’t get me wrong everything I do I enjoy and that’s very important. However, we all need a break.
At the beginning of the summer I got to a point where I hit a real wall. Couldn’t describe exactly how it felt, but it felt something like a literal wall to my energy and my focus. I lost all interest in developing the part of my side business with the prints when I should’ve been expanding it. When you’re a one man band moments like this are harder to get through because you don’t have anyone who can pick up the slack. I could’ve reached out for more help. Thought about hiring a temp to help me, but I didn’t feel like the business was there yet. Because I was feeling all this doubt, heartache and cloudiness I let it go.
I re-geared temporarily and only focused on my full time job and my blog. Put together a simple plan with some high-level goals for how to tackle moving across the country. I didn’t have all the answers I needed and I still don’t. But what’s the point of having all the answers?
I’m back in action! And telling myself that sometimes I can’t write 3 blog posts, fill 10 orders, work on my design portfolio and go running in one night after working a 10 hour day. Burning myself from both ends only led to me shutting down. Working non-stop 16 hour days trying to accomplish what’s the equivalent of four jobs was exhausting and still is sometimes. I spent two months where the majority of the time I was in my apartment because I didn’t want to make any plans. If something came up I went out, I wasn’t a total shut in. Let me tell you it was a glorious way to live at the time and when I met my boyfriend.
Being a “type a” control freak who always has to have something going on has its merits and issues. I’ve learned when to let things go a few years ago, but every once in a while sometimes I still have that nagging thought that I’m not doing enough. The truth is it’s in my personality and attitude to think it’s never enough. Maybe one day it will be. At least for now I’m aware of my flaws and perfectly content with them.
Rome wasn’t built in a day and my businesses and career won’t be either. C’est la vie.
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Cover: Luke Chesser